Stop Chasing Clarity from Someone Who Thrives in Confusion

I used to think clarity was the answer. If I could just understand why he acted the way he did, maybe I could finally find peace. Maybe it would explain the manipulation, the lies, the hot-and-cold behavior that kept me teetering between staying and leaving.

I spent years asking myself questions I’d never get answers to: Why did he do this? Why couldn’t he see how much he was hurting me? Why wasn’t I enough?

But I will let you know where this post is going: clarity from someone like him doesn’t exist—not in the way I wanted it to.

People who manipulate and exploit others thrive in ambiguity. They twist narratives, rewrite history, and leave you chasing explanations that never come. It’s part of the way they control.

When you’re too busy dissecting their motives, you’re not focusing on their actions or holding them accountable. You’re stuck in an endless cycle of trying to make sense of the senseless, while they move on without a second thought. It can be maddening. How and why are they able to just move on to another thing? Do they really want to have sex now?

It’s maddening because, as humans, we crave meaning. We want to believe there’s logic behind behavior, even when it’s harmful.

And when someone’s actions don’t align with what we think love or respect should look like, we tell ourselves there must be a deeper reason. Maybe they were scared. Maybe it’s their trauma. Maybe they didn’t know better. Or they don’t see it. Maybe they’re broken and just need the right kind of love to heal.

Let me tell you what that kind of thinking cost me: time, self-worth, and peace.