The beginning
I have been thinking about how to use this platform for a while. I see some other thought leaders doing it and it seems to be an amazing way to connect and share information and ah-ha's.
But I think I am going to take this a step further and offer something here that I don’t offer in my public posts. I have been journaling my whole life and I have consistently tried to make sense of things that did not make sense. I have always tried to better understand my own reality. I have taught myself what un-gaslighting is before I knew the term gaslighting. I will be choosing to use this page to share additional thoughts, resources, new journal entries and old journal entries, mothering moments, and more “me” than is on the public sphere.
See, when you share your life in any way, it becomes a form of attack in the family court system. My public instagram profile (designed to educate on abuse) becomes something that others can exploit and judge. I am not willing to have more of my life put on fire right now. I have been trying to simplify my life since I was a child.
Do I want to charge a paywall to share more vulnerably? No. Do I feel like this is the best way to keep me safe from spending more thousands? Yes.
Because the truth is: I have been a student of abuse since I came out of the womb. This is not a path I chose consciously. I grew up in an abusive home. I taught myself how to live in society while fighting against living. I found myself in numerous abusive or coercive relationships. I live with my trauma stored in my cells. Sometimes, I try to ignore it. I tell myself that I did a ton of work on it and can focus on the day to day. Other times, I realize my 25 years of therapy have only scratched the surface of what is beneath it and there is more to discover. Sometimes, I don’t know how if I will ever feel like a “normal” person. Other times, I am so grateful I am not someone who looses sleep over the Kardashians and a waiter getting my order wrong, I loose sleep trying to understand why and how humans act the way they do.
If you are here, you are likely in that place too.
So, this place can be a beginning of sharing more vulnerably so you can feel more human.
That is all I’ve ever wanted actually. I’ve wanted my life and my experiences to help others feel more human. BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN. But sometimes, being human fucking sucks. Sometimes being human means spending $10,000 on various coaches, therapists, programs, healing sessions, breathing exercises and psychic readings so you don’t text an ex who you know is not good for you. Sometimes it is choosing to sit in bed on a Saturday night with your legs up the wall and just breathe. And sometimes, it’s feeling like you are stuck in quicksand with no end in sight…but needing to find it regardless, because you are a parent.
I see you, I promise, and I hope this helps you feel more seen.