My ex used to say ‘wow, you really are just all about you’ whenever I tried to put a boundary in place. My desire to correct this perspective won so many times over the years, and I let the boundary go. Until one day, I didn’t. Now, years after we divorced, he still pulls this card out occasionally (we have kids together). I am expert level at boundary setting now. They saved me.
This is so true! It is so empowering when you can see through the manipulative response of you saying no. The quick response to blame you for not doing what they are supposed to do for themselves. No is a powerful word!
"It’s because you were trained—systematically, emotionally, and relationally—to believe that your worth was tied to your compliance."
^Ouch. That hits hard. Being praised for following the rules never felt like a bad thing growing up. How unintentionally insidious.
My ex used to say ‘wow, you really are just all about you’ whenever I tried to put a boundary in place. My desire to correct this perspective won so many times over the years, and I let the boundary go. Until one day, I didn’t. Now, years after we divorced, he still pulls this card out occasionally (we have kids together). I am expert level at boundary setting now. They saved me.
This is so true! It is so empowering when you can see through the manipulative response of you saying no. The quick response to blame you for not doing what they are supposed to do for themselves. No is a powerful word!